BM Vent

Today two of my bm's got into a major fight. Early on they discussed making travel arrangements together as they are both singles. Then they both had potential dates that would be going but nothing was ever set in stone either way. So today, one bm we'll call "K" phoned the other "M" to hammer out the details, and M tells her she is bringing a date and could no longer share accomodations.

K tells her that she would have appreciated knowing that since M obviously knew this for awhile. M apologized and said she felt guilty, suggested other singles she may want to room with, and kind of tried to help her. K said she didn't know if she could afford to go alone at the last minute, and M said K should not have agreed to be in my wedding if she couldn't afford it, and suggested she find a cheap hotel in her price range. That's where it went south as M recently came into mucho money and has rubbed some people the wrong way with it. K was crying, M told me she only went there with the money after K would not accept her apologies and offer to help find another roomate. I come into this when K calls me to vent. I felt for her (struggling student, part time job) and said I had to get M's story too. M says she was going to offer to pay for K's whole trip until K got mad at her. Now both are cursing each other, M actually said she hates K, and they both vow not to speak until the wedding and even then it will be just civil enough not to make a scene.

I don't know where I'm going with this but writing it out makes me see how silly it is, we've been friends for like 15 years. I told them both I'm glad it's not me in the mix of this drama and that I could care less if they are friends or not so long as they show up with the right dress.

I'll be busy marrying the man of my dreams

Thanks for listening......

Yikes. It sounds to me like K was upset over more than just this incident - since it does sound like M was more than helpful in trying to right the situation. Regardless it sucks that, even if you really aren't, you can't help but be stuck in the middle. Is it one of those things where if the three (or more) of you just went out some night and got a little tipsy, it would all just work itself out? When is your bachelorette party? lol

Well IMO if I had planned on rooming with another person and then three months before the wedding they told me their now going to take someone with them and I have to get my own room, and money was tight.. Yeah I would be ticked off as well. If M was going to offer to still split the cost of the room she should have said it up front, IMO.. So that K (even if she didn't accept it) would have known that M wanted to help out.

I agree with Jules & tammy. I'd be upset finding out so soon before the wedding that I had to come up with more money and it seems like M was trying to avoid having the conversation with K as she didn't say anything until K called her.

wow Jamy, that is a terrible situation, I agree with the girls though, there is obviously something else going on here, but in the end this is not entirely your issue since you are trying to plan a wedding. They will need to work out their differences and try to make it work.

This is a great PSA for why you shouldn't have a bridal party! Gosh, if you guys have been friends for 15 years it would be a shame for this incident to be the end of K & M's friendship. I think events like this can easily present situations like this that brings out the worst in people. It sucks that M changed plans by bringing a date & not notifying K immediately. In a way M is hanging K out to dry on this - not really fair. And then the whole $ thing just adds injury to insult. Perhaps this can iron itself out after a few days have past...I just encourage you to attempt to stay away from being the mediator - not something you need!

The bachelorette party isn't until the wedding week in Mexico, but I am flying home for the bridal shower in April (which all 6 of them are planning btw) so yes Ann, I hope a little drinking will resolve this!

K did find out by calling M so that is wrong. And yes, I realized there is more to this. M feels like she is always bailing K out (paying for things, loaning her $) and she felt she didn't have to be responsible for finding her a roommate. K feels like M always choses men over her. Whatever, we're too old for this.

They haven't spoken yet, but they both called me apologizing for involving me in their mess when I am supposed to be happy about the wedding right now, so at least they are aware that they're being stupid. I'm sure it will blow over eventually. I considered no bm's but these 6 ladies have been instrumental in my life so it only felt right that they partake.

Thanks for your opinions, I didn't want to tell my other bm's their drama so I'm glad to have you guys!

Hey Jamy, with your wedding quickly approaching, did your girls work it out? I hope so, just curious.

Kelly~

Kelly, yes they did. After a few weeks of not speaking to each other they spoke and agreed to not talk about this and let it go. The things they don't like about each other aren't resolved but they are not getting in the way either. It's one of those "that's how she is" things, take it or leave it.

We all hung out at my bach slumber party last month and as suspected, jumbo margaritas solved it all. Then K got a girlfriend to go with her & share the costs - a friend I don't know. I hear M and this friend don't get along but whatever....maybe I'll have a juicy story to share in a few weeks. My bach party is in Mexico and when you factor in alcohol, if these 2 don't get along this could get interesting )

Thanks for asking