What would you do if you got an email like this?

I know I was kinda disappointed when I had some guests want to stay elsewhere, especially because we had committed to a certain number of rooms at Playa Fiesta and they were going to miss all the activities and dinners that we have planned for the three days before the wedding (salsa dance instructor coming, fire jugglers, welcome party, cuban band, etc). I also had a few PF brides tell me that the guests who stayed elsewhere and just came for the wedding really regretted it after, since they missed out on the real party atmosphere that the hotel can create since it is so small and intimate.

That being said, some people really wanted to do their own thing even after I explained everything to them - so they have booked in a big AI and are just coming for the wedding. I think if you have explained everything to them (including the day pass fee if they want to come to PF to participate in the events you might be planning) and they still want to go elsewhere, it is their vacation and they should do what they want....just my thoughts!

I think it was a combination of "too much info" to almost seem as if they were rationalizing their decision to you while at the same time being a little too nice about it.

Just saying, "we would like to stay at XYZ resort, would this be okay with you" would have been more than enough. I certainly don't imagine the intention was to be rude.

I understand your disappointment. And frankly, because they are part of the wedding party, I assume that they gave this a lot of thought and tried VERY hard not to offend... and just didn't do it well. There was too much info as to why they wanted to stay somewhere else. But read it as them trying to explain why and not as a criticism.

I would respond simply by saying that you totally understand. But don't forget to remind them that there will be a day pass fee (if there is), that you won't be able to pick up. As long as they've budgeted for it, and there aren't any surprises, it should be fine. For the days that there are wedding events, they'll probably be hanging out with you, and the days that there aren't, you'll be happy to have some time alone with your DH.

I personally think they gave too much info by trying to be nice and not offend you but in doing so, they came across as somewhat condescending specially the part of suggesting other resorts in the area because they have been there.

I totally understand them wanting to stay somewhere they like since it is their money and vacation time, however I agree a simple " we really like such and such resort and would love to stay there if you do not mind" would have been more appropriate.

It depends on who it was (!) but essentially, I think I'd tell them to stay wherever the hell they wanted! However, making their own arrangements for transportation to the ceremony, get-togethers, extra costs for dining at your own resort, would of course, all be on them...

Wow.

I would listen to their recommendations and then say, Thank you for your opinions, which we will consider.

Then decide on the resort YOU want. It's YOUR wedding.

Maybe you can try to incorporate a few things/ideas that they want (activities offered at the resort/all-inclusive), but ultimately, I dont think you should have to give up the place where YOU want to wed for anyone. Ever.

I would reply back and let them know they will have to pay a day pass for the wedding and any other events that are planned for the resort that you choice. I do think the wording could have been better.

IMO I didn't think it was rude at all. I thought they were actually very nice and carefully considered their words. I also think it's kind of funny that some people thought they over explained because I have seen a lot of threads where people don't explain anything and the bride and groom are left bewildered wondering what the hell went wrong. I mean, they even asked you to voice your opinion if it bothers you. Their reasons for not wanting to stay at PF, I think are valid. It is a vacation for them too- even if it is your bridal party AND siblings. DW are not cheap for your guests.

If you have lots planned that they may miss out on or would cost them more money in the long run, I would definitely tell them. They obviously would have to weight out their pros and cons to determine if missing out on all the stuff is justifiable for a resort more to their liking.

I think its fine - at least they've been straight up with you well before and not waited until nearer the time. Just say no problems but they will probs charge you an entry fee which we won't be able to pay and leave them to it.

A lot of the people who have said they are coming to our wedding have done the same and I think its great, we'll see them for the wedding and thats it time alone. We've told them there will be a fine and they are fine with it.

i thought they were being careful but it still came out a little rude. i have to agree with martha, i think it was rude to start naming everything they want that isn't found at the resort you chose. they could have just left it at we want to see what other options there are for their budget or whatever. no need to start listing stuff. but that's my opinion. at least they were trying to be nice about it.

but i don't see a problem with guests staying somewhere else since it is their vacation and their $$ being spent.