Off Your Chest

we get asked the same thing KIDS...oh please. I don't want any more for he has one girl 12 and I have a boy 13. that's enough for me. He's 40 and I'm 38 do you really think we want to START ALL OVER!!!! well he does but i don't so i fixed that and had him have a vasectomy. NOW ASK!!!!!.....LOL

now for my real letter. Dear Lord help me lose 15 lbs before my wedding in 5 weeks..i'll even accept 10. but I'd prefer 15-20. where is the miracle PILL. You'd think with all this technology that someone would have found it already. Get off the moon and get on our mircle pill before we all get so big we can't live on this planet because there is no room....

Dear Self, stop complaining, moaning and groaning about your belly, hips and thighs. If you are going to eat a chocolate bar at bedtime instead of fruit, then you will pay the price in the morning!!! LIKE IT OR NOT!!!

Dear Maura's Co-worker:
Mess with my girl again and be ready for a BDW can of whoop-ass to be opened up on you!

Dear IRS:
You fucking bunch of idiots. What the fuck did you do with my 2007 taxes? I mailed them to you on February 13th along with my corrected 2006 taxes. It's funny that you found the 2006 taxes I mailed and not the 2007. Find my paperwork and send me my damn ass money! I have bills to pay! Can't you see I'm trying to stimulate the economy by having my wedding in Mexico? Don't even think of holding out on my stimulus check either - you guys have my taxes and one of your lazy ass employees probably stuck it in a pile somewhere and now you can't find it.

Dear Self:
Quit eating processed foods. You know they make you sick and you feel as bloated as a beached whale. Get some fresh vegetables and quit making yourself feel sick. You know better!

Dear obnoxiously loud talking co-worker,

 

WHY WHY WHY do you have to talk SOOOO loud I don't understand it. I know you have to be on the phone all day, but do we all have to be right there with you? I get paid way too much money to not be able to get my work done while you chatter at the top of your lungs. Shut the fuck up!!!

 

Thank you,

Quiet Accounting Chick in the corner

ha thanks J!!! we should meet up sometime. can you make it to the chicago brunch may 4? im PMing you about it now!

celina you crack me up. re: the processed foods, i am going to PM you about a great book that will help you quit eating them!

My new OYC for today:

Dear Self,

 

Don't be mad at Shawn's mom for backing out of paying for mariachi's for the wedding. She is paying for the rehearsal dinner and you know that is very generous of her and Bill - so don't be mad at her. You should really be mad at your dad who hasn't offered to pay for one red cent of your wedding.

 

Better yet - don't be mad at anyone. Maybe you can have a yard sale and sell some of the crap you refuse to let go of and save that money to pay for it! You'll figure it out - you always do!

 

Now - go change your clothes and get your ass on that treadmill!

Dear fellow classmates,

 

Please grow up! Honestly now, we are all in our 20's-30's and in a professional program... must we continue to act like immature high schoolers and fill our lives with drama?

 

Just because one of you broke the rules and brought your BF to a no guests allowed fuction and one my brothers (fraternity) asked for you to apologize to the group for being the inconsiderate person you are... doesn't mean you should not drag our fraternity into the drama.

 

You all voted to move the date. We didn't force any of you to do it. Not to mention it should never have been put on the original date to begin with. But yes we appreciate your consideration in doing so. However, the night has now come and gone.

 

Making us apologize now for asking you to change it makes no sense. We did nothing wrong. We apologize that making it a Wed instead of a Friday interfered with you getting extemely intoxicated together... however that has never stopped you before. From the stories I heard many of you still had a wonderful time. So get over it. If one more class rep comes and asks me to apologize to somone I might just scream.

 

Sincerely,

Your unapologetic classmate

dear students, why oh why do you think you can take advantage of a sub? Especially spanish students. What's up with the attitude?

dear FI's stupid friend,

 

you sure as hell better have been kidding when you emailed saying you were "coming down a few days early to find dates" --- i dunno why the fuck you think you can bring some random strangers to my wedding, asshole. you werent even given an "and guest" option!

 

signed, the bride who aint havin it