What do you say to those who aren't invited?

Ugh, this thread is so great, I'm glad someone started it. We are having a heck of a time with our guest list. Mike and I both work for the same company at management level (well he's actually a VP) and we have become close friends with lots of our coworkers (4 of them are actually in the wedding party). Between going out for happy hour, company trips, and just working closely our circle has grown immensely. Now, the sticky part is if we start to invite coworkers where do we draw the line? We have to see these people day in and day out leading up to our wedding and then every day after that. Not only that, I think they'll all come! This group is always up for a party.

I need advice, please help....

 

BTW, our guest list has already grown to over 100 with just family and other close friends. Our limit is 100 if we want to maintain our budget and not be on Platinum weddings.

We are still having people 'ask' to be invited and now even FH brother is telling his friends and saying 'invite so and so'. We have finally had to have a talk with FMIL about inviting friends of hers who we don't know -- now it seems we even have to put FBIL in check. Geez.

 

People just do not get it -- but I can also honestly say that until I started planning my own DW, I always thought if it was an AI, then if I paid my own way it was no big deal.

 

That being said, I think if it gets sticky, we have to realize that some people might truly not realize the extra expenses involved with an AI DW ... and we need to let them know that there is still a LOT of out-of-pocket money for the reception, etc.

Uh YA! Especially since every AI I looked into did not have a "free" reception. Even to have a welcome dinner at my AI, they are asking for $24 per head. FI and I think we will take them off property for that because it's the same price. Why not treat everyone to a different meal instead of the same ol' AI stuff we will be eating all week.

I think if people are inviting themselves and you tell them no, then you can expect people to be upset. Not that it's deserving, but if they are crude enough to invite themselves then they are crude enough to be upset over it.

FI and I are such easy going people that we didn't want the ackwardness of people wanting to go and us having to say no. We just decided to pay for the expenses.

I don't think there really is an easy way to say no. Either way you choose there are some consequences. Keep a strict guest list, some people will get pissed. Let anyone come, then you have a HUGE bill. It just depends on what you care about most.

Well said. At first, we were willing to suck up the extra cost, but now, more and more people think they can either invite themselves or invite their friends. We are ssoo easy-going, and would LOVE to have everyone who wants to come - come ... but because of the ever-increasing costs, we have to start drawing the line.

We are doing "Welcome Cocktails" each evening just at the Lobby Bar (nothing formal) to welcome whoever arrives each day. The rehearsal dinner will be for the bridal party and their spouse/guest as well as the photographer (no charge for this one, thank goodness) and then an open Cocktail Hour following at one of the resort bars (TBD) -- again, at no charge b/c we aren't making it a forma affair.

So we are keeping the reception ($2500 for 3-hours buffett-style) as our only added per-perso resort cost. At least that's how it stands now...

Yikes. FI and I also work in a company together too. He has worked here for 10 years and me for 7. With that in mind, we have developed many work relationships. We decided to invite coworkers that we see/do things with outside of work. If we only saw them at work, then we viewed it as strictly a "work" relationship.
BUT we also have people that wanted to go and we didn't want to say no so I had to give them an invite. They didn't get one intitially and obviously didn't care that we did not intend for them to have one. Not wanting to upset anyone, we let them come.

Not sure if this will work for you since your guest list FAR exceeds ours. Just letting you know how we handled it- kind of.

I have a couple of other issues. First, I am not getting married at an AI. St. John only has 3 resorts and they are pretty high-end and not AI, but most people who visit rent villas. I think most of my family will do that and make a week-long vacation out of it- at least that's what they say. So I'm going to pay pretty much the same per person as I would here in the Boston area.

 

The other thing is that my sister got married last month and had a beautiful wedding. My parents paid for 95% of it. Mike and I have discussed paying for our own wedding but I don't think we'll be able to. Everyone who went to my sister's wedding is expecting to be invited to mine- I am definitely trimming that list but my parents have a lot of friends and they would definitely come to St. John. I know I will figure it out, but it is frustrating! I guess when I actually get my ring and set a definite date, I can start actually making real decisions.

 

The whole point of going away was to have a small intimate group of folks closest to us. I just got back from a funeral and now everyone in the family knows about the wedding...people I haven't seen or spoken to in years....distant cousins etc. I now have several additional people that have heard "Vegas" and are trying to come and some are even wanting to make it a "girls week away" and bring their friends and others I do not know. I am finding that the Vegas location is inspiring a lot of people to want to come and hang out and bring their friends, neighbors, etc.! And I have to say I am not doing very good and figuring out how to say 'no'. I now have over 10 extra guests that I did not invite....$1200+ extra dollars and we are paying for it ourselves.