Off Your Chest

Dear Dad:

HOORAY! 100% still in remission!!!!!!!! I can't believe you don't have to go back for a check up for another 6 months! I am so thrilled, relieved, happy, shocked, emotional! I am so lucky to have you in my life, and so thrilled you are going to see me get married. You are so courageous! I love you! I know one of these days the cancer will win, but until then, I am going to continue cherishing our time together and make it all worthwhile. By the way, what are we going to call our new company?! I'm so excited to work with you!

Dear Doctors:

I don't know what my family did to deserve such wonderful professionals, but thank you for treating my father like you would a family member, and for caring so much about us, his life, his happiness and quality of life. Your care is beyond anything we could have ever imagined.

Dear Self:

Awesome workout! You need to remember this feeling every day, and way to go running for 10 minutes. Doing 2 minute intervals has really increased your stamina. Nice work, don't forget you have a dress fitting in 21 days. Prove it to that bridal consultant that you really did need the smaller size!

Jill thats so great about your dad, you must be so happy, thats such wonderful news!

Dear FI,

Hope you forgive me for ripping your cell phone in half this morning. Please undertand I was delerious from sleep deprivation when the f*ing thing started ringing at 6:00am this morning.

And I'm so glad you didn't kill the dog today after being woken up by the neighbors. I'm sure that when they saw our dog break the f*ing window to get outside, they probably thought the two fat people living in the apartment were laying dead from heart attacks inside and the beast was breaking free to get food. Little did they know about our dog's OCD regarding the squirrels running from tree to tree.

Oh, and happy birthday. Hope the stereo system I bought for the PC helped ease the loss of your cell phone. Oh well, enjoy the silence on your 6-day vacation. I'll be the one going nuts having to answer all your calls because your family freaks out if you don't call them back within 5 minutes of their calling you.

Dear Aiden-

I'm sorry I blame you for my horrendous gas, but it's true. I googled it. You are making me drop stink bombs that even make daddy cringe (and that's tough to do!).

Dear Lady in the Supermarket Self-Checkout Line-

What on earth would possess you to use this line to check out $300 worth of groceries when you are so clearly technologically challenged? I can only assume you are trying to get a five finger discount on something or like to torture people who actually know how to use this machine.

Dear Boobs-

Pick a size. I'm sick of buying bras.

Dear Right Arm Pit-

Why do you sweat excessively? Left arm pit doesn't sweat as much. Why must you be so rebellious?

Dear nursery babies,

You know I really prefer to do labor when I'm at work, and generally hate postpartum. And, this hatred gets worse the more nights I work in a row. Well, wouldn't you know it? Last night (finishing up 60 hours of my 72 hour week) I got stuck with nursery. Why, oh why then, must you all scream all night long? I've been trying to convince myself that I could actually bear the thought of having children and that I am patient enough to tolerate it, but baby from room 121: you are enough to make me want to schedule an emergency radical hysterectomy to be sure I never procreate!

Your mom (who has had you in the nursery 95% of the time since you were born) is in for a RUDE awakening when she takes you home!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sarah - you made my morning - i needed a laugh!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarah Dear nursery babies,   You know I really prefer to do labor when I'm at work, and generally hate postpartum. And, this hatred gets worse the more nights I work in a row. Well, wouldn't you know it? Last night (finishing up 60 hours of my 72 hour week) I got stuck with nursery. Why, oh why then, must you all scream all night long? I've been trying to convince myself that I could actually bear the thought of having children and that I am patient enough to tolerate it, but baby from room 121: you are enough to make me want to schedule an emergency radical hysterectomy to be sure I never procreate!   Your mom (who has had you in the nursery 95% of the time since you were born) is in for a RUDE awakening when she takes you home!   AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!